I’ve never been so glad to see the back of anything in my life.
I mean, honestly, this past year really kicked my ass, and while I’d love to say something eloquent and truly meaningful about it, all that really comes to mind is, “phew!” And good riddance. Goodbye, 2015. Don’t let the door hit you on the way out. Hoorah!
Oh, it wasn’t all bad.
I learned a lot about myself on this last trip around the sun, it has to be said, and matured in ways I never could have anticipated, all vital and necessary, even if the growing pains were a real bitch. (Ouch.)
I chased a dream and caught it. Another slipped through my fingers.
I loved and lost, succeeded and failed, gave everything I had and then some, only to realize the wisest choice involved finally giving up. Some amazing things happened, and some pretty horrible things, too. Life wrestled me to the ground on more than a few occasions, but I got up stronger than before. Every fucking time.
Kahlil Gibran wrote, “For even as love crowns you so shall he crucify you. Even as he is for your growth so is he for your pruning.” Well, I think the same applies to the seasons of our lives. Some are for growth, others, for pruning. Some crown you, others crucify you. That’s just the way it is.
For me, January through to December were particularly brutiful. I got crucified.
As always, I have an abundance of blessings to be deeply grateful for, and I am, but I’m grieving, too. Not simply the typical losses one sustains in any divorce, although that’s tough enough to cope with, but more importantly, the loss of my old self. In order to find new life, first we must die and die hard, and death—or change of any sort—is often excruciatingly painful.
Ten years ago, I lived in a shelter for abused women and children over the holidays. It was really tough, but I survived, and I will survive now. Maybe, in another ten years, I’ll look back on this time of my life with a fondness and appreciation only to be gleaned in hindsight. Perhaps I’ll even sing and toast the memory of this year among the cherished days of Auld Lang Seine.
Right now, however, I’m thoroughly relieved 2015 is over, because I’m more than ready for a clean slate. Bring it on, 2016! Show me what you’ve got.
Instead of New Year’s resolutions, which I rarely make or keep, I’ve decided to set some intentions for the upcoming year. To keep it simple, and therefore doable, I’ve chosen two words to focus my attention on: Intuition and Discipline. Basically, I need to trust myself and write something every day.
I don’t know much. I’m a fool on a fool’s journey.
But I believe with all my heart that, if I listen to my soul and follow my passion, I’ll find my way through the shadows and into the light where I’ll be crowned once again.
I wish you a bright and happy New Year!
May 2016 bring much love, laughter, and an abundance of blessings for all.